Communication is key to successful multigenerational living

by Judy Stringer

Multigenerational living, where more than one adult-aged generation resides under one roof, is at an all-time high.

In 2016, 64 million people – or one in five Americans – lived in multigenerational homes, according to a 2018 Pew Research Center study. Those homes include 26.9 million Americans who lived in “three-generation” households consisting of seniors, their children and grandchildren.

“It was really during the recession that we first started to see an increase in multigenerational living,” explained Donna Butts, executive director Generations United, a nonprofit that promotes intergenerational living.

Economic need was the primary driver of combining households in the mid-to-late 2000s, but as the economy recovered and even prospered, the numbers did not wane.

“People came together by need,” she said, “but they appear to be staying together by choice.”

Butts said her constituents overwhelmingly report multigenerational homes as “beneficial for one or all family members.” Along with the economic advantages of pooling resources for the rent or mortgage and/or utilities, cohabitating can ease the burden of distance caregiving when it comes to aging parents and reduce parental stress associated with long work days or lengthy commutes, since children won’t be returning to an empty home.

Seniors living with their adult children and families might also be able to help with things like cooking, housekeeping and gardening. Then there are softer perks like companionship and relationship-building.

“Often it is the grandchildren who are the ones with the extra time to spend with the grandparents, and that really can turn into invaluable opportunities to share things like family stories, family history, life experiences and cultural traditions,” Butts said.

Some studies suggest older adults who spend more time with grandchildren live longer.

Of course, these living arrangements are not without their struggles. According to Butts, money and expectations tend to cause the biggest conflict. Laying some ground rules, however, can help mitigate problems.

Decide how house payments are going to be split, she said. Don’t forgot the cost of utilities and other expenses like food, if you plan to share groceries and meals.

Also, talk about any expectations you may have when it comes to things like sharing household chores or cleanliness.

“People aren’t going to change,” Butts said. “If somebody’s a slob, they’re going to continue to live that way, but you can establish rules that require shared spaces, like a living room, to be kept at a higher standard than, say, a bedroom.”

Anjelica Nelson, a Fairlawn-based family therapist with Avenues of Counseling and Mediation, said parents who expect help with children need to be forthcoming about that issue. Seniors today are working later in life and living more active lives, which might limit the time they have for childcare.

The adults should communicate about discipline and discuss expectations with children in the home as well. “Grandparents often have the role of fun and care free, and not setting boundaries or expectations throughout their time living in the home can have a negative impact on relationships,” Nelson said. “Also, it is important for children to understand how rules and limits may differ with grandparents living in the home, including noise levels and availability or space to have friends over.”